Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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