My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
