Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize