It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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