do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
