So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
