barbara walters just said penis...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
