Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
