did you get engaged???
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
