Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
