So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
