I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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