3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
