this just has baby written all over it
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
