Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
