His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
