how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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