you would pick up someone in the library
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
