Don't make out with my wife yet
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize