Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
