Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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