We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
