Can Purell be used as lube?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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