i think i have two assholes
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
