btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
