Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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