i permit you to call me
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize