I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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