Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
