guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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