I seem to have left my pride at pride
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
