My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
