Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
