i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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