he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
