she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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