My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize