i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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