yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
