love makes seman taste better
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
