DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
