I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's never too late to be topless.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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