Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
dude. I can hear the air.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize