I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
