If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
