is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
