dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
