My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
