Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm both gender and math confused
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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