I'm drive I can fine osifer
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
