I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
