And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
