So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
