I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
