Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
