I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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