Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Randomize