Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
