Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just threw up on my dentist
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
