you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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