I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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