Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
