I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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