I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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