Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
