Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
farters have to be the big spoon...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Randomize
