i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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