I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize