Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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