zippers are such a cool invention
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
