I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
