It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
