dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
