Christians are straight up FREAKS
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
